Why Change is Hard

Hi. It's Laura.

I had an epiphany this morning: It's February. (Yeah yeah I know, “congrats for being able to read a calendar”.) But that is not what I am talking about. It is Wednesday, February 8 and the gym was very very quiet.  So the last stragglers, holding onto their New Year's resolutions, have pretty much given up. As I looked around this morning, it was all the regular Wednesday morning people and not one unfamiliar face.  I can say, I am happy that it is February

Do people really think they can change their behavior easily? I know from personal experience it is not as easy as saying, “I resolve to do or not to do something".  We do not change in a straight in line but go back and forth to the desired behavior (more often than not just back to the undesired behavior). 

We move through different stages of the behavior process but it all starts with the desire to change. Which is why, in my opinion, New Year's resolutions do not work.  People generally change their behavior because someone else wants them to not because they want to. This makes them doomed to fail!

We start the behavioral change process with: “I won't or I can’t.” Think of a project or service that you have pitched to someone. Most often, their first reaction is that is negative. “That is not the way we do things” or “My department isn't broken”. Once you have planted the seed people start to say "I might". They might contemplate how a change might benefit them. 

Now comes the preparation phase of “I will". We have all been down this road before which is a very fluid road.

·         A client has agreed to buy the service but has not signed the contract

·         The head of the department realizes they are broken and is taking steps , albeit  slowly to get there

·         You go to the gym twice this week but not the third day you promised yourself

Now comes the change, "I am".  The client/dept/you has committed to the new behavior and is practicing every day. The new behavior is incorporated into the new reality.

I have made this sound easy (it is on paper after all) but there has been a lot of cajoling, selling, promising, reinforcing and refining to get to this point.

Here comes the hard part: "I still am". Progress was made, goals were reached and kudos was given. Maintenance time has arrived and it has been no easy feat. We see real change when someone has adopted the new behavior for at least six months. This is when they are most vulnerable to slip back into old behaviors out of boredom overconfidence or stress. 

If you think about the stages, they apply to everyone in most situations: smoking, dieting, exercise, etc.  The not only apply to your personal life but also your professional life as well. Everyone goes through the same stages of change and knowing that is a true power.

Recognizing the stage of change you are in when you slip up will help you succeed and make the permanent change you have been looking to make.

Play hard & stay strong!
Laura